he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
