if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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