dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
