he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
