How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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