wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
