what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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