All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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