i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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