some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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