There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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