Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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