Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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