I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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