Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
