phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
