Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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