I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
