i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
