i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
