So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
