I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
