My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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