ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
