the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
