Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
