This dress was meant to end up on your floor
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My bed smells like the plague
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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