I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The power of my boobs compel you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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