Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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