I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
