I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
