honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
