Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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