Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
