Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
