Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So many bounce houses so little time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
