Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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