my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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