i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
