Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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