I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
