Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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