I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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