I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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