I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
