so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
