actually, I'm a sock model
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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