I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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