is wine microwaveable?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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