3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
