If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
