Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
