So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
