Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
