It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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