I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
