I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
