I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
