I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
