ugly people sure do ruin things
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pooping to opera.
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