so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
