The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
