The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
