i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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