what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
