remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
