How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
