So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
