Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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