Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
