i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's paper in my vomit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She told me I should be a condom model.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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