dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
