I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
