I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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