Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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