No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
